


Something old, something new

by TimesBeingWhatTheyAre



Series: A Family Of Our Choosing [2]
Category: Leverage
Genre: Christmas, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Season 3 Episode 14, h/c
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 01:44:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21263063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TimesBeingWhatTheyAre/pseuds/TimesBeingWhatTheyAre
Summary: Nathan raised the glass slowly to his lips, and tipped the shot back quickly, knocking the amber liquid down his throat with an ease born of familiarity. All around him, the rest of the bar was celebrating, tinsel and bright lights and red and green dancing across every available surface, but he wasn’t really in the mood for that.Not tonight.





	Something old, something new

Nathan raised the glass slowly to his lips, and tipped the shot back quickly, knocking the amber liquid down his throat with an ease born of familiarity. It burnt going down, but the good burn, and he smiled to feel it.

He held the glass up in the air carelessly, wordlessly asking for a refill, and the bartender cheerfully obliged him, adding in a shot of eggnog or some similarly Christmas-y thing, so Nate made sure to add an extra sprig of whisky to wash it down with.

All around him, the rest of the bar was celebrating, tinsel and bright lights and red and green dancing across every available surface, but he wasn’t really in the mood for that. He had been, once. He had loved Christmas, once.

But now, without Sam? Christmas was just a reminder of the life they had once had, and the times that now they never could. Nate smiled to think of the good memories, and drank down his latest shot to stop his eyes from burning.

He had called Maggie earlier, in the morning. It had barely reached dawn, but she had picked up, because she knew, just like he did. Nate remembered how he had choked out a “Merry Christmas Maggie,” and received the same in return, then they had sat in silence until the team was likely to come along and he had quietly hung up.

He took another shot.

The world was a little blurry around him now, and he sighed, resting his head on his folded arms where they lay on the sticky bar top, having finally been cut off by the bartender. He couldn’t wait for the night to be over.

“Right then!” Sophie cheerfully announced from somewhere near behind him, and Nate tried for a second to lift his head, then gave it up as a lost cause.

He rested for a moment, but the loud sound of something whacking the bar next to him caused him to startle upwards, somewhat ready to fight the threat. The threat was Parker, with tinsel in one hand and a gold bar in the other, glaring at him in the familiar way she had.

Nathan squinted at her blearily, conveying a delayed confusion that Eliot saved him from by taking the gold bar away from the thief and tucking it into his own pocket. Nate smiled in bemused gratitude, taking the opportunity to swallow the last of his drink and lay his head back down.

“Nu-uh. No. You are not getting out of this man,” Hardison appeared from nowhere, grabbing Nathan’s shoulders and spinning him around a little to face Sophie, who was standing expectantly in front of them all with her own elegant glass of wine or champagne (it was a little hard to tell).

“So, I’d like to finish off this party tonight with a little toast,” she began, but Nate’s head was already spinning and he was having difficulty making out her words.

He tried focusing on the glitzy sequins of her tightly tailored dress, but his attention was soon caught by the couple in the background, laughing and joking together even as the man fiddled with a small toy car, placing it into his bag as he laughed with the woman opposite. It reminded him suddenly, of a toy car that he had once carried around in his pocket as he went to and from the hospital with his son, and Nate could no longer stand being in the bar.

“’scuse me,” he mumbled to the others, stumbling off the bar stool and ambling quickly towards the stairs, hunched over a bit in his drunken state.

He swiftly made his way up the stairs and into his apartment, rushing to the bathroom to noisily throw up into the toilet, collapsing to the cold tiles of the floor gratefully.

All he could see was that little toy car. The little toy truck. A-

_A little toy car, bright yellow and blue against the sterilised white of Sam’s duvet where he played weakly with the plastic surface._

_“That’s right, it goes ‘brum brum’!” Nathan laughed, reaching out and guiding Sam to drive the car a little further, and letting his other hand poke Sam’s cheeks teasingly along with the noise._

_“Brum brum!” Sam copied obediently, grinning widely even as he struggled to sit up and breath._

_Nathan felt his own smile widen in response. _

_“You’re so clever!” he praised, and Sam looked up at him with wide and hopeful eyes._

_“Will I get another toy car for Christmas, daddy?” he asked hopefully._

_Nate chuckled. “I think Santa might be able to find you one, since you’ve been such a good boy!”_

He smiled at the memory, despite his brows furrowing in sadness and moisture filling his eyes. Sam had always been smart and playful. Nate remembered that.

Abruptly, he forced himself upright and grabbed hold of the sink, splashing some water on his face and gulping down a few mouthfuls to try and stop a bit of the hangover he was going to have the next morning. It was cold and somewhat refreshing, so he had a little more and then wandered downwards to the kitchen.

Nathan was only going to the kitchen to grab a handful of snacks and head to bed, but when he entered, it was to the rest of his team sitting around on the sofas. He blinked for a second, then decided to deal with it later and instead put some bread into the toaster.

“Nate, I couldn’t help but notice that you decided to leave the party a little early…you weren’t planning on continuing it without us, were you?” Sophie asked, and he sighed, turning back to find the peanut butter.

“Go back downstairs Sophie, I don’t like Christmas,” Nate muttered, opening and closing the cupboard doors.

“But! Chocolate!” Parker squealed, dancing up to him as he leant back against the counter, and Nathan pushed her away firmly.

“Please, just-“

“You aren’t hiding anything from us-“

“No! Team, go back downstairs-“

“Man, we just tryna have a little fun, why you always spoiling it for us huh?” Hardison complained playfully, but Nathan was done.

“Fine, do you want to know why I don’t like Christmas? Really?” he snapped, staring each one of them in the eye before they responded. He would tell them, but only if they seriously wanted it.

The four of them all stared back at him, serious, even Hardison who had been joking around mere seconds before.

“It reminds me of Sam…the Christmases we had together…the ones we could have had,” Nathan sighed and laid back, wishing he had another drink but aware of Sophie, watching him as always, and his own state of drunkenness, knowing he probably wouldn’t want to forget this in the morning.

“That sucks, man,” Eliot commiserated quietly, laying a gentle but firm hand on his shoulder in that steady way he had.

“Yeah bro,” Hardison echoed quietly. Next to him Parker sprang up suddenly, pulling a piece of colourful tinsel out of her pocket and waving it in the air.

“Sad,” she frowned, staring at him. Then, she placed the tinsel carefully on his head. “Happy!”

Nate cracked a slight grin. “Thanks guys,” he croaked, clearing his throat lightly to keep his dignity. He adjusted his new hair decoration quickly, leaving it more or less where it was but not covering his eyes.

Sophie was last to speak. She lay a soft hand on his arm, eyes holding his as she spoke. “You’ve helped so many people Nate. So many people now…so many Sams,”

He struggled to paste the grin back on his face, and like usual, she saw straight through him and sat down on the sofa next to him, stroking his hair gently with feather-light fingertips even as he placed a hand over his face and wept quietly, shoulders shaking for the memory of his son.

The others began to talk again quietly, their usual bickering, and Sophie joined in with the occasional comment, her fingers never leaving Nate, and even as he cried for his old family, he was comforted in the knowledge that he had also found a new one.

And maybe, just maybe, this was one that he could keep.


End file.
